Be Thou My Vision

Written By Audrey Assad - November 03 2016

Comments

Leanne S
February 11 2017

Thank you for writing this. Aside from the fact that this is one of my favorite hymns, I too have been struggling with belief in God. Questioning whether my rule of life was a help or a hindrance or if I was doing it out of duty, because it certainly didn’t seem like I desired or wanted to. So thank you for writing this. It’s an older blog post but I hope you are living and loving well.

Annie McDaniel
November 12 2016

Reblogging this @ shalomsisters.com
Thanks for your vulnerabilty Audrey!

Katie
November 10 2016

Audrey, I too have suffered immensely from OCD. You’re not alone in this. I’ve found tremendous help with the anxiety from Sheryl Paul’s work at Conscious Transitions. It’s not directly related to Scrupulosity/Religious OCD, but the work has been my touchstone nonetheless. God bless you, and thank you for the important role your music has played in my life.

Paul
November 09 2016

recognizing and exposing the issue is the first step towards healing they say. seeking for help is to be followed if you want long term results they say. and they’re right. but often, the most powerful thing to do with your issues is to go to God with them and just openly tell Him about your feelings, concerns, frustrations etc. It is at his cross where we have to lay our burdens and our wounds because theres where we find healing. Jesus said that he came to heal the broken hearted. It would be good to take that for granted!
Anyway, a good book on the subject of inner healing is “The Pearl of Truth” written by Kari Edskerud. Shalom

M
November 04 2016

This is beautifully brave and I’m so grateful to you for sharing, Audrey. Right before your album came out, I decided to scribble the second verse on a sticky note after repeating it over and over to myself. Then I heard your version upon its release and it’s become my personal anthem in this season; I reach for Inheritance when I need a moment of calm in a whirlwind of anxiety, or some time to decompress on the way to and from my own counseling appointments. Even in through your own confusion the Spirit is using the gifts He’s giving you to reach others in our suffering and questioning. Thank you.

B.D.
November 04 2016

Such a grace to know I’m not the only one. Thank you for your powerful testimony.

Henrike
November 04 2016

Audrey, I don’t know if I ever commented before on Facebook but I wanted to let you know how welcome your songs have been in my life. I have struggled with OCD all my life and I have had periods where it was so dark and heaven so quit that I wondered if I was ever going to feel normal again and if I ever could pray something other than “please help me!” I was afraid I had messed things up permanently. I’m so sorry to hear you deal with the same things. Thank you so much for sharing, it takes a lot of courage to do so. Please be assured that God has used and is still using your music as medicine to my soul. May He bless you abundantly.

Jeff Hedglen
November 04 2016

I for one would welcome a worship song from a place of doubt, confusion and the vulnerability of this post. I have been in full time ministry for 30 years and still have times like this. So I’m gonna pray that if it is God’s will you will write from this place.

Jessica
November 04 2016

Wow. Your vulnerability is so powerful… everytime I hear you share about yourself, even when I can’t necessarily relate to the particular struggle, I literally feel new levels of freedom and self-acceptance in my spirit. This level of transparency is so rare in the church, but it’s just what we need. Thank you Audrey, thank you Jesus.

Caesar
November 03 2016

Audrey, I have loved your music from the day my wife, then girlfriend, introduced it to me. I have always sensed in it the voice and heart of a kindred spirit. I just wanted to let you know that your post put into words some aspects about myself I have been on the edge of defining. I also wanted to offer a prayer that I’m sure God put on my heart. One day, after recriminating myself repeatedly for my usual lack of courage and discipline I found myself praying to God that He would make my love for him the central and overriding desire of my heart. Now I’m sure that that could be taken by some as overly simple response, but it has brought me hope. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you continue to use the gifts he has given you. They have been a source of hope and inspiration to me and my family as well. May God bless you and keep you now and always.

K
November 03 2016

Thank you for your courage in sharing this struggle. I have also struggled with a similar religious scrupulosity, especially in Mass, for the past several years. How easy it is for the enemy to feed us with shame due to this struggle. Thank you for your vulnerability and the ways it brings freedom to all of us who have had similar struggles. And your songs have always been a beautiful and often much needed reminder to me of our loving, merciful Savior. Praying for you in this!

Monica Erickson
November 03 2016

Thank you for your brave sharing. I think it validates so many by hearing your struggles and thoughts , because we all struggle at different points of our faith walk to figure it all out. Sometimes I wonder if it is a gift to not be able to understand or figure out God. That means the well is deeper than we can see, and it is a reminder that he is bigger than what we are going through. I guess that must be true freedom. Being able to master the art of letting go and falling into His arms. I am praying for that gift , to release the grip I have on the why and how and be excited about what I do not know. I love that you said that you are just trying to embrace the grace and mercy He has for you. I pray to be like St. Francis , who saw God alive in everything. It filled him so fully that even when he was sick to the point of blindness and so much pain, he still penned the Canticle of Creation, which is sort of like the first praise and worship song! Blessings to you!

Anon
November 03 2016

I ran across this by chance but it made me think of your blog post.

“Still we pray that the reader not be frightened at the thought of being placed under the guidance of a seraph, when his conscience tells him he has still so much to do in the purgative way, before he can enter to venture upon paths which may never open to him on earth. Let him simply listen to St. Gertrude, let him fix his eye upon her, and have faith in the end she proposes to him.

When the holy Church puts in our mouths the language of the Psalms, she knows full well that that language is far beyond the feelings of our soul; but if we wish to bring ourselves up to the level of these divine hymns, our best method is certainly to repeat them frequently in faith and humility, and await the transformation with the passionate language that St. Gertrude pours out her soul before the Savior of men."
From the Spiritual Exercises of St Gertrude (who is a mystic associated with mercy and the Sacred Heart)

So, I don’t know why I saw that, but there you are.

Jacqui
November 03 2016

I struggle with Scrupulosity and some other forms of OCD and anxiety too. Sometimes, when it’s bad, I listen to Inheritance and Fortunate Fall to calm myself enough to sleep. Thank you for writing this post. I needed it tonight.

B
November 03 2016

Audrey – you are my sister! God bless you and thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself.

I also battle with this same dark night, but the Lord is my shepherd! A verse of great consolation – that hangs in my room – is Proverbs 3:5 – “Trust in The Lord with all your heart; on your own intelligence rely not”

Thank you and God bless you so much!

Katie
November 03 2016

Thank you so much for this Audrey. I am really struggling right now with knowing where God is leading me and trying to understand his mercy. I am not really sure what mercy means but I am trying. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, even when it is broke. It helps us remember that we are all broken and Christ heals all of us.

Heidi Weber
November 03 2016

Audrey, Blessings to you for sharing your journey. I “really felt” God during Hurricane Katrina more than ever before. We all may pass through the valley from time to time. Please know this, when I hear you sing in person, I feel so close to God. I’ve heard you sing at Youth Specialties. When I play your CD’s or hear you on the radio, it brings me right back to feeling close to God as when I’m in your audience listening in person. I believe God is working through you in your music. You are a blessing to me! Heidi

Leah
November 03 2016

I, too, suffer from a similar “Catholic guilt” that became most prevalent for me in high school when I believed it was my conscience guiding me to make correct decisions. I slowly became obsessed with comparing myself to others and feeling extreme and paralyzing shame that has permeated almost every facet of my life. I struggled with even admitting that I had a mental illness and that it wasn’t my conscience trying to convince me that I had royally messed up in some way. I am a perfectionist that does not allow myself to feel any joy, pride, attention, or recognition. Every decision or thought I felt had a deeply moral component to it that I realized was suffocating my spirit. I had a low period about a year and a half ago when I felt so much shame about everything and felt that I was unlovable and irredeemable. I was ashamed of and judged myself for my suffering on top of it, and all of the articles I had read to simply pray or let go of what I was feeling made me feel even worse. Talk therapy has not been very effective for me, unfortunately, but I am learning to let go and begin to forgive myself. I, too, have difficulty “feeling” God when I am in pain and feeling shame. Last weekend I attended mass and the homily was about forgiveness. One of the things the priest said that has stuck with me is that God does not see us as imperfect beings and that we are only to open our hearts to him a bit if we feel inadequate. I was also reminded of one of my favorite sentiments from a previous homily, that Jesus was not raised without any scars. I am clinging to the hope that if I can get past this at times suffocating shame for being imperfect that I can use my energy for more useful things. I am not a perfect human or Christian, but God loves me anyway.

Thank you for sharing this, Audrey. Your music and spirit is a gift.

M
November 03 2016

I needed every word of this today – most especially today. Thank you, Audrey.

Susan
November 03 2016

I love the album Inhertance because it has the comfort of old hyms, and a few beautiful new songs as well. The album means very much to me, and it speaks to the fact the God moves through you, through us, even when we don’t feel it. I wanted to offer you my very favorite bible verse. It is about answers, and the wisdom of God. 1 Corinthians 1:21 “For in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not come to know God, God was well pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe.” I love not having the answers, and I love that God on His mercy knows so much better than I ever could. Love, Susan

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